[TAG] Fwd: AWARD NOTIFICATION!!!

[Ben Okopnik]

On Fri, Jul 20, 2007 at 09:37:41AM -0700, Mike Orr wrote:
> Looks like Microsoft has gotten into the lottery business, as a way to
> promote Internet Explorer and e-mail.  (Why didn't they mention
> Microsoft Outlook or Exchange?)

I always find these highly amusing. Whatever else Micr0s0ft can be
accused of, their PR department's output is certainly literate and
usually numerate; I would sooner expect an email from Merriam-Webster
headed by "YO, d00d!!!! :)" than see one of their releases peppered with
grammatical and spelling errors... and these things are *always*
horribly mangled.

(Note to spammers: as tempting as it might be, you _cannot_ mix social
commentary and a phishing attempt. It's just not going to work.)
 
> Dear: Winner,

You won! You're a billionaire! ...wait, they don't even know your
*name*?
 
> Finally today, we announce to you the results of the MICROSOFT ONLINE E-MAIL
> LOTTERY DRAWS held on 19TH of JULY, 2007. Your E-mail address attached
> towinning numbers 11.28.48.34.44.34, Consequently won in the Tenth category.

Somewhere, a first-grade student is being given a poor grade for better
writing than this...
 
> The online draws

I _think_ that means "underwear with a string in it." "Draws" (clean
ones, so that you won't be embarassed if the paramedics have to cut your
clothes off) is what southerners wear under their "cloe's".

> was carried out through random sampling in our computerized E-
> mail selection machine (TOPAZ) from a database of over 1,000,000 E-mail
> addresses drawn from all the continents of the world. This is to encourage our
> prominent Microsoft Internet Explorer users all over the world, and for the
> Continuing use of E-mail facilities.

Their computer carried out their "draws" (because they weren't clean, I
suspect) to encourage the use of IE? I wonder whose brainchild _that_
campaign was. On the other hand, I have heard of stranger things... I
mean, Google _did_ buy YouTube for fifty billion trillion gazillion
dollars. Must be that High Finance stuff (are we back to stoners again?)
that I don't understand.
 
> Since the draws was conducted through zonal batching of the emails sampled,
> and the globe was divided into Zones, You are hereby notified that your winning
> falls under Europe Zone, and hence you are to be paid by our European Payment
> Centre.

They carried those dirty draws through the entire Europe(an) Zone? Those
people have no shame.
 
> You have been approved for lump sums payout of ????550,000.00 GBP. Your fund has
> been insured and credited to File Ref No: MSW/56B-672GH/L and winning numbers11.
> 28.48.34.44.34

``
ben at Tyr:~$ ping 11.28.48.34.44.34
ping: unknown host 11.28.48.34.44.34
''

Ah-HAH! They're obviously lying. I just checked, and there's nothing
there. Don't fall for it!
 
> You Are To Carefully Include All The Datas Below When Contacting The
> Verification And Claims Agency:
> 
> 1.Full Name:.....
> 2.Address:........
> 3.Nationality:.....
> 4.Sex:......
> 5.Age:/Date of Birth:.....
> 6.Occupation:......
> 7.Next Of Kin:......
> 8.Home Tel:/Mobile Tel:/Fax:....
> 9.State of Origin:/Country:.......
> 10.Your Ref No:/Batch No:........
> 11.Indicate the zone where your winning falls:....
> 
> You are to keep all lotto information away from the general public especially
> your Winning numbers, and Reference numbers. (This is important as a case of
> double claims will not be entertained)

Gosh. Will they be at least housed, fed, and given a voucher for drinks
in the evening? Mike, I really think that you should contact these
people - be sure to Carefully Include All The Datas Below - and ask them
these vitally important questions. Here's a template if you need one:

http://www.quatloos.com/brad-c/raging_relics.htm

(Brad Christensen *rocks*.)


-- 
* Ben Okopnik * Editor-in-Chief, Linux Gazette * http://LinuxGazette.NET *